A Strategy for Balance While Reaching Your Goals

In Tony Robins's notes on success strategies, he shares eye-opening techniques and approaches designed for you to accomplish your life goals and reach your fullest potential. While there’s tremendous value in his approach, unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all advice on these kinds of topics. Sometimes we want the most simplistic answer, something that a highly successful person shares that will guarantee us success with the least amount of effort. Yet the very desire for such a shortcut can lead us astray. As complex human beings, some advice resonates and some doesn't. Why else would there be countless different gurus who all have unique advice? What is important to consider is whether a balanced or an unbalanced approach is what you currently need. 

1. Knowing your desired outcome in detail is generally necessary for reaching you goals. Even though this step is considered crucial, how come when we assess these desires of ours, we end up getting wrapped up in the trivial details that leads to confusion rather than clarity?  A simple reminder is to focus on the “what” and the “why”, instead of the “how” or the “when”. Both questions hold a completely different energy that can very much determine where your confidence lies.  Alot of times we’re even mistaken about what actually brings us satisfaction. For example, a lot of cultural messages tell us we are missing out if we aren’t making a lot of money, gaining high status, having Instagram-post-worthy leisure activities, and showing off our children’s accomplishments. While these aren’t unworthy goals, many people who reach them find they are not fulfilling. They need to be connected to the “right reasons.” Tony knows this, and that’s why he includes number 2 on his list.
   
   

2. Know your reason why. Sometimes we misunderstand the reasons behind our desires, or in a lot of cases, we misunderstand the required actions to get us to our goals. this follows the idea that a lot of us are under a confused perception of what satisfaction even looks like. For example, as a young woman, I was anorexic. I thought love and a sense of accomplishment would be attainable by staying at a certain low body weight. The pursuit of those aims was creating an obsession with food that crowded other concerns out of my life, I had no peace of mind, and over time I would have become physically fragile and not even close to what I thought love was. Fortunately, we have many teachers who have reached a state of peace and happiness. Don’t be fooled by the surface appearance of Instagram lives. I know one woman who posts multiple times daily. The large expensive house, the children playing musical instruments, the travel, and the outings with friends and family all look ideal. Yet behind the scenes, she is stressed, has often considered divorce, and has kids who fight frequently.
   
   

3. Find guidance. I personally don’t have the time or energy to learn from trial and error. I find it necessary to take guided and inspired action from others. This is where a coach, counselor, or mentor can play an important role in anyone's journey. For me, I strongly rely on constantly spiritual guidance. Whether or not it’s an illusion I’m creating for myself, it seems to have improved my decision-making drastically.
   
   

4. Notice if you’re on course or not. This is a difficult step and might be more of a decision than an observation.

A. Do you have a specific goal in mind? If so, write it out. If your desired outcome is more general, you might start with the worksheet titled Focusing Questions to get more specific. 

Some of us want to deeply connect with others. Some of us want to have an impact on others. Some of us want to be remembered. Some of us want peace, to get away from the stress. Some people just want to win. They don’t care about contentment and peace, or maybe they don’t believe those are attainable. They don’t care how much they have or how well they perform, as long as it’s better than others. I don’t think I have any answers for people with those motivations. If you want to be an Olympic athlete, for example, balance is maybe a liability for you. You’re going to need to put a tremendous focus on training to meet that goal, and you may have minimal or no time for other pursuits.

Research shows that it’s better to have action-defined goals rather than completion-defined goals. The main difference between these two approaches is what you're focusing on in the process of reaching your goals. Action-defined is more presently focused and detailed, while completion-defined can be broader and focused on the end result rather than how to get there. You can watch this video to get a better perspective on this.

In addition, top athletes often report goals to reach their personal best, rather than winning through competition, which is a focus on comparison with others. You can check this article out if you’d like more information.

Three metaphors for how inspiration (motivation or ideas), if misdirected, can be damaging:

1. A portion of food can be good for you, but out of balance, it can be detrimental. 

2. All medicine is poison. A healer could give you potent medicine, but if they don’t know the correct dose for your physiology, it could slow you down, injure, or even kill you. 

3. Fire can cook your meal or burn down your house. You have to use it skillfully. 

B. The “why” is often a larger or more general goal. It can be helpful to ask a series of why questions to establish a better understanding of your goals. For example:

You want X because it will get you to Y. 

Why? You want Y because it will get you to Z. 

Why? You want Z because then you will be happy. 

If you want to go deep into clarity about your why use Byron Katie’s “the work” questions to challenge your assumptions:

Will X actually get you to Y?
Will Z actually make you happy? 

C. To take massive action, first list all the steps you can think of that could get you to your goal. You might find it helpful to investigate someone who has succeeded at your goals and seek guidance in the steps they personally took.  If you're committed to taking it further, hiring a coach can help you prioritize the productive action towards your goals. Remember the 80/20 rule, where 80% of your success is likely to come from only 20% of your efforts. It helps to focus on the more effective 20% if you can identify them. Massive action can eat up a lot of time, so be careful that your why is clear. 

Check out these articles from the Harvard Business Review:

• The Hidden Traps in Decision Making

• The Fivve Traps of High-Stakes Decision Making 

D. What metrics will you use and how often will you assess your progress? Find ways to mark and celebrate your progress. You might ask a friend or family member to be an accountability partner and set a regular time to check in with each other weekly about how it’s going.