Emotional & Spiritual Goals

It may be someone else’s fault, but blame won’t help you heal or fix your life. It may be legitimate to see yourself as a victim, but in most cases, this won’t push the offender to make things right. Responsibility means you are the one who has the “response-ability” though not the blame. In AA, the first step is admitting that you have a problem. This is an example of taking responsibility because it is acknowledging that while you might not have chosen some situations, you chose the coping mechanism and it became unmanageable. Use the 12 steps or see Pema Chodron’s writings & talks, including the title Getting Unstuck. This is a powerful practical guide for overcoming anger, blame, and anxiety. 

Consider a daily practice that could include the following: Mention when a family member or friend did something well or tried sincerely. Mention to other people any kindness you receive. Send a note of thanks to anyone who helps you, especially if the help seemed beyond their obligation. Write a positive review on Yelp or Google reviews for a company that served you well or kindly. Offer to be a work reference or write a testimonial for a contractor who does a good job. Keep a notebook to record what you are grateful for. Set a regular time to share with a friend or family member what you are grateful for that day or week. 

A daily practice—prayer, meditation, talks, or journaling—can put you in touch with your intuition. Find a mentor, therapist, or group. Study Brene Brown’s 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living.

Start a daily or weekly practice of unpaid service. It could be as simple as a note of encouragement to someone in a challenging situation or a contribution of your expertise to an online wiki. Community service could overlap with your category of talents and interests. An internet search of “types of volunteer service” or “volunteer organizations” will bring up various options. There are also organizations such as volunteermatch.org that can help you locate opportunities related to specific interests. Individuals volunteering with a non-profit or government entity are protected by the Volunteer Protection Act of 1955. “God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7) is a reminder to find service that we enjoy. Service precedes compassion.

See Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life: Karen Armstrong (see the TED talk, the book of the same title, and the podcast of Oprah’s interview with her). Study teachings such as those of Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dalai Llama. For those open to spirituality and/or religion, shifting your worldview to a big-picture focus, one that transcends the material, can help you enter a more meaningful life. If organized religion doesn’t appeal to you, near-death experiences (NDEs) are a growing phenomenon that offers a glimpse into what some experience as the afterlife. The study of these experiences offers a non-denominational way to study what may be the larger context of life. Check out The Formula for Creating Heaven on Earth.

• 80% of our medical expenditures are stress related. (see The Centers for Disease Control)

• Stress-related illness costs the nation $300 billion a year in medical costs and lost productivity. (see American Institute of Stress)

• Alice Boyes, Ph.D. recommends four ways to cope with stress you likely haven't thought of

• What beliefs are holding me back from acting on my goals?

• What is the underlying assumption this belief is based on?

• What do I need to find out that will confirm or refute this assumption?

• Where or how can I find it?

• What are the worst things that could happen? 

• What are the best things that could happen? 

• What might be the benefits of an attempt or partial success?

• What would be the cost of inaction or non-decision (emotionally, physically, financially) in 6 months, 1 year, 3 years?

• Is the sunk cost bias preventing you from cutting your losses and moving on?